Who I Am

This morning I let our dog Rufio outside to go the bathroom. He is a happy go lucky dog that never barks at anything. However, this morning he saw something he didn't like and he barked his fool head off. I yelled at him, banged on the door, stomped my feet and did everything but throw a fit at that little barking dog. I was walking back through the den mad about all the noise he was making when Tamara calmly remarked, "Dad, I think he has finally found his inner dog." MaKayla and I busted out laughing, yet Tamara never blinked. She just said ,"Well it's true." I really don't know where she thinks these things up. Funny kid.

I've come to realize, that there is nothing lonelier than a quiet, empty house after a summer full of fun.

What a summer! This has been a very busy, crazy, fun summer. We camped at the lake for Father's day, went to Colorado for the 4th, saw the Rangers play later in July, visited Pam's dad, went to Dinosaur Valley State Park, Carlsbad Caverns and just came back from 4 relaxing days up in the Davis mountains. While I'm trying to figure out how to post more pics, here are just a couple of highlights from the past couple of weeks. I have a bunch to write about and pictures to post, I just have to learn how to use the slide show thingy on here. Can't believe summer is almost over. I guess the saying is true, time flies when you are having fun.

Tamara fearlessly jumping off the high dive at Balmorhea

MaKayla jumping off high dive for the first time

Watching the Rangers play the Red Sox.

Well I haven't written much this summer. It has been a very busy, hectic, relaxing, fun, life changing summer. We started off just hanging out around the house enjoying the time off. Then we geared up for 13 days in Colorado with our own camper (very fun!), then came back from Colorado and had to deal with the untimely death of my biological dad. After going through that ordeal we went to watch the Rangers play the Red Sox, the went to Dinosaur Valley State Park and then went to visit Pam's dad and play at Lake Waco. This week we just got back from going to Carlsbad Caverns and are leaving in the morning to go swim at Balmorrhea and then spend a couple of days at my uncle's cabin in Ft. Davis to just chill and recharge for the new school year. It really has been a lot of fun but very exhausting at the same time. To be honest I'm really ready to get back to a normal routine and to finish this last semester of my Bachelor's degree. However, with that said their are still 17 days of summer left and we're gonna party like rock stars during that time, haha. I'll post pics and tell stories of grand adventures when I have more time to write. Well, I gotta run, there's fun to have and stories to make.

In 10 hours from now this will all be over. My mind is restless tonight even though my body is exhausted. This has been a long, tiring, drawn out process. I'm sure at some point I will be able to look back and evaluate the situation and see the good that has come of this and lessons learned but for now I just want some kind of normality. I want to hang out with my wife, spend some time with my girls and basically just do nothing. Keep us in your prayers as we travel over the next few days and thanks to everyone for all of your thoughts and prayers through this whole mess. I love you all :)

Today I sat with my step mom and planned my biological father's funeral, it was very surreal. All night tonight I have been struggling in my mind praying for peace. I know there is peace now for my younger siblings and step-mom and I feel so much relief for that but I feel I've gone about as far as I can go without facing some of the things I have been avoiding. As I thought and prayed tonight this song came in my head and the words have given me peace. Maybe not ALL the peace I need but definetly the peace I need for now. Now its time to rest. :)

In and out of situations,
That tug-of-war at me
All day long I struggle
For answers that I need
But then I come into His presence,
All my questions become clear
And for a sacred moment,
No doubt can interfere

In the presence of Jehovah,
God Almighty, Prince of Peace
Troubles vanish, hearts are mended,
In the presence of The King

Through His love the Lord provided,
A place for us to rest
A place to find the answers,
In hours of distress
Now there is never any reason,
To give up in despair
Just look away and breathe His name,
He will come and meet you there

In the presence of Jehovah,
God Almighty, Prince of Peace
Troubles vanish, hearts are mended,
In the presence of The King

My whole life I have always been able to put my thoughts down into word by writing. Tonight I have sit and stared at a blank page unable to do so. I don't know what to think, I don't know what to feel and to be honest, right now I refuse to do either. I will deal with this someday, just not right now.