Sometimes it is best to say positive things and think positive things over and over until those positive actions take over the bad and depressed thoughts and feelings you may experience. Then sometimes its best just to be completely honest and ask for help from others around you. Today I'm in that place. If you are reading this I need your prayers. I need you to lift me up before God because right now I really don't feel like it, just to be brutally honest. I try to focus on the good things in my life (which are many), I try to think on positive things God has revealed to me, yet I find myself and have found myself for a long time in a constant state of worry and depression. I am not happy, I am irritable, I am confused, I am anything but probably what I should be. Most of all though I am tired. I am tired of feeling this way, tired of not knowing, tired of going nowhere, I'm tired of all the faces that I have to wear to get through a day/week/month. Somehow, somewhere I feel like I've lost me. I've lost who I really am. I know God is here but right now I just can't seem to find him. What have I become? Where is my joy and direction?? My heart hurts so much right now, my mind is tired and its all I can do to hold back the tears. I feel broken and I don't know where to go from here. This is not a happy funny blog I know, but it is real. It is who I am right now. I've tried so hard to get through this on my own, now I need the prayers of others. I've been reading the story of Job and although not to the same extreme I feel like I'm in somewhat of the same place. I don't blame God for the state I'm in I just want out. I know sometimes you have to be broken to be made new but I'm tired and I want peace and rest. I'm sorry for dumping on my blog like this but my insides feel like they are about to explode and I just need to get all of this off my chest. But other than all that, things are super :)


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