Cloud 9

Tonight MaKayla is on CLOUD 9. Since she was little she has always liked whatever I liked even if it wasn't girly. I like to hunt, she likes to hunt. I like to fish, she likes to fish. I like golf, she likes golf. I like the Longhorns, she LOVES the Longhorns. She especially likes Colt McCoy. For one she is starting to understand football more and knows that Colt is the Quarterback and that is important. Also she recently found out that we are distant cousins to Colt so that just furthers the attraction. I don't know that we have missed watching a game since he took over as starter. This year for Christmas the thing she wanted the most was a Colt McCoy jersey (and she got one). To say she is a fan would be an understatement. Well tonight Colt and his Dad spoke at the West Texas Men of Integrity meeting at our church. A week or so ago I told MaKayla we would go but today I am sick. I really didn't feel like going but knew it would break her heart if we didn't, so...I took two cups of Dayquil, filled my pockets with cough drops and away we went. Let me tell you, it was worth every minute of me sitting there sick as a dog to see the excitement on her face as she listened to Colt talk about his football career and his relationship with God. Oh but wait it gets better. After the service was over she got to get his autograph and get her picture taken with him. As we walked away from Colt I was afraid we would not be able to get out the doors of the church her head had swollen so much. Her smile was bigger than her face and I'm pretty sure she was floating. It was an awesome time together and even more fun to see her reactions through the night. Hook em' Horns!!

All you ladies don't get too jealous! :)
Saw this on the back of a truck and laughed my head off:

After the "NO FEAR" comes the "OH CRAP!!!"

Think about it!

That's Life

Sometimes in life things just make no sense. There is no rhyme or reason why they happen other than "that's life." One of these occurrences happened Sunday night at our home. Tamara had a cat she got about a year and a half ago, because she was lonely at home with just me and needed something to occupy her time while MaKayla was at school. We thought having a cat would give her a buddy and teach her some responsibility. She loved that kitten more than anything. Wrapped it in cup towels and carried it around like a baby, and the kitten let her. She was named Jasmine Shaylee. (where the Shaylee came from I don't know but the Jasmine came from Aladdin) Anyway, as Jasmine grew she also became more playful and mischievous. It was if she thought of Tamara as one of her litter mates instead of an owner. It was nothing to see Tamara running down the hall screaming with Jasmine hot on her tail slapping and trying to bite her legs. If she didn't like something you did or wanted you to leave her alone she would hiss and spat and try to bite you, she was very temperamental, much like her owner. Lately though she had began to get out of hand with her tackiness, so we decided to start making her an inside outside cat. She seemed to be calmer after being out for awhile so it seemed as if our plan was working, until Sunday night. About 3:45 in the morning, I hear the dogs barking and going crazy. I ran to the kitchen window and looked out and some neighbor dogs had gotten Tamara's Jasmine. I went out and tried to fight them off but it was too late. Personally, I never liked the cat and she didn't like me, but I would never want to see any animal killed like that. As I buried little Jasmine at 4:00 in the morning, thoughts were running through my head, how will I explain this to Tamara, how will I explain this to Pam. (Jasmine really loved Pam!) So that afternoon after I picked Tamara up from school, we laid on the bed and I did my best to explain what happen without too much details yet still make her understand. Her little heart was broken, which broke my heart. She wanted to see where I buried her and she cried as she stood there with her mommy looking down at the dirt. There is nothing in life that can prepare you as a parent for moments such as this. All I could say to her is "Honey that's life. We all live and we all die. It's not always fair but that's just the way it is." At that moment I didn't know what else to say. Probably nothing could have been said, sometimes it's okay to just hurt and cry. So keep my Tamara baby in your thoughts and prayers. Death is certainly a part of life, but it's just hard for a six year old to deal with. But in the end I guess that's life.

Time To Slow Down

Where did the time go? 8 years ago today I was a scared teenager with a new baby girl and now today I am in my late 20's with a 8 year old young lady. I swear it was yesterday she was sitting up for the first time, taking her first steps, saying her first words; yet now I sit and type and listen to her and her friends scream and yell while playing Wii in the den for her first sleepover. I'm not ready for her to grow up. She's growing so fast and things that were okay to do with her yesterday aren't "cool" to do today. This just isn't fair! So much has changed in 8 years, yet so much is the same. She still has the same humor, the same smile, the same laugh, and the same pretty eyes but when I look at her I don't see a baby or a toddler or even a little girl. I now see a maturing young lady who is growing like a weed and changing almost by the minute. I really wish she could be 2 again. When she was little I would tuck her into bed and I would say "holler at me if you need anything." Usually within 15 minutes after leaving her room I would hear the most precious voice yelling "Daddy I need anything!!!" It's been a long time since I've heard that voice and most of the time now I hear, "Dad, I can do it!" She's growing up and becoming so independent and for a lot of things she doesn't need my help anymore. Nothing makes me prouder and hurts worse at the same time. I know that you can't go back but if I could, I'd do it in a second just to hear her say, "Daddy I need anything!!!" just one more time. Happy 8th Birthday MaKayla but now it's time to slow down.


I have been dealing with a lot of different thoughts in my life lately. Where am I supposed to be, what am I supposed to be doing, am I going in the right direction, if I am will I like what I find when I get there? All of this has really been weighing on me for quite some time. I know God has given me great abilities and great potential but at times it's as if I am afraid to find out what they truly are. I mean I like to scratch the surface to see how good I could be and then back away because becoming that thing or reaching that goal would cause change and I truly hate change. But why? Change is good, change brings new life, new opportunities, new goals, new journeys. However, change also brings uncertainty, fear, doubt. This is my struggle and my burden. I read Sarah's blog today and realized I need to use my talents, I need to figure out a way to get past the bad things of change and embrace all that could be. I realize that is easier said than done but I have to try, only problem is I'm not so sure I know how. I've begin to set new goals for myself yet still find there is a lack of motivation. Embarrassingly enough I also find there is a lack of faith. I don't understand this one. God has always been there, has always provided, has met every need I ever could imagine and even those that I couldn't, yet still I doubt. This makes me sad, He has given me everything and what have I given him? Half hearted prayers, a nearly non existent devotional time, and a fear to use the gifts he has given me because by doing so it would take my perception of control away from me. You see I said perception of control, because inside I know I really don't have control of anything yet the perfectionist in me needs to feel that I am. This is a problem I know, one I must confront and get past but it is a struggle. There's a line in a song that pretty much sums me up to a tee, it is "I'm always sure until I doubt." That is my life in a nutshell. God please give me the strength and motivation to use the gifts and talents you have given me and to let go of all the things I can't control and have the faith that you know what is best for me and will see me through every up and down in my life.

Still The One

Have you ever loved something or someone so much that it almost makes you hurt? After being with Pam now for over 9 years that is still how I feel about her. When we were dating right after high school I remember feeling this since of loss every time I had to leave her house or every time she left mine. When she lived in Waco for awhile it was even worse. I never knew my heart could hurt so bad for something. You'd think that those are just new relationship feelings and with time they go away, yet for me they have only seemed to get stronger. I still hurt inside every time I have to leave her or she has to leave me. I long for the times that I can lay in her arms and have her hold me and make everything in the world disappear. I still crave her kisses like when they were brand new and a simple hug warms me to the bone. She is perfect for me in every way. Where I am weak she is strong and comforts me. When I am confused she is always there to listen and lend helpful advice. She lets me rant, she knows my quirks and she understands my relentless quest of perfection that I will never reach. She is a wonderful mom, more than I could have ever imagined for my children to have. She is a woman of God and instills those beliefs in our children. She is the beat of my heart, the smile on my face, my best friend, lover and wife. When God gave her to me, he knew exactly what I would need in a woman to make me the man I need to be. As I sit and I thought this morning I was overwhelmed with how much I love this woman in my life and I wanted everyone else to know just how I felt. Though no amount of words could ever describe my true feelings I will write for the rest of my life trying. She is my true north, the place I always turn to when I need unconditional love and understanding. I am forever grateful and only hope I can in some way be to her what she is to me.

I Hate Reading

I know I know, hate is such a strong word but it's true. Me and reading do not get along. Not even a little bit. So guess what? This semester I have 2 classes that are reading intensive. Like, if you don't read the chapters before the class period, you will fail the quiz given over the chapter every class. I have gone through 3 1/2 years of college now without reading more than 50 pages a semester and I have a perfect 4.0 GPA. So make no mistake, it is now my personal goal to figure out how not to have to read all this junk and still get my A. I feel confident in my ability to skim by in school with doing as little as possible and still succeeding, so I know I can accomplish this goal of no reading. I mean what's the deal, reading makes you smart, I am only going to college to get a degree, geez why would I want to learn anything!! :)

Oh No!

Okay so the floor is done, YEAH!!! Now the trouble has started. It looks so pretty that my wife (and I but for griping purposes just her) has decided that our ugly 30 year old refrigerator and 30 year old stove cannot return into our now pretty kitchen. So guess what, that's right we have bought a new fridge and stove! This is our first appliances that we have bought together, up til now if you couldn't figure out by the age of our appliances we have had hand-me-downs. Not now though, now we have two wonderful new appliances to go in our awesome renovated kitchen. The only down side to this is because they are so "wonderful" we will only be eating bologna and cheese sandwiches for the next year. So the fridge will be empty and the stove will be unused but dang it they will look good!!! Stupid tile floors!!!!

Here's what they look like (they are called Clean Steel, it's like stainless just doesn't show fingure prints) and I'm sure Pam will post what they look like in the kitchen once they are delivered.

I'm Back!!!

I like many of you had a great holiday season. The holidays are my favorite time of the year but it is always depressing when it's over. I would love to live somewhere cold and snowy and pine tree smelling during that time of year but instead I live somewhere warm and windy and nasty dirt smelling. Oh well! Anyway the holidays were awesome and I got more than I deserved. Loved seeing all my family wished I would've spent more time with them, but I got sick and had Pam's family in town at the same time, such chaos. So while everyone else had to go back to work and school, I am still home on my winter break (allegedly!) You see for the longest time Pam has been talking about new floors in our kitchen. I mean granted it was ugly sticky tile that had seen its better days but it wasn't one of my have to do now things or so I thought. One night while I lay in peaceful holiday sleep my wife undoubtedly decided she was getting new floors because she began tearing up the tiles from the floor. I always wake up before everyone in the house and when I walked in the kitchen to get a drink ... What a mess. So I waited for her to get up and I asked what she was doing! She said she was buying new floors with her birthday and Christmas money. It was at this point I asked "well who is going to put them in for you?" (already knowing the answer to this stupid question) So now here I sit so sore and tired from reflooring our kitchen/dining room that I am having an extremely hard time typing. I've never had my hands and fingers hurt like this, if this is what arthritis feels like, I'm going to chop my hands off before I get old. On the plus side my wife now has new floors, I get to not hear her gripe about that anymore and it earned me some extra brownie points I will need to cash in as I continually screw up through out this new year. I hope all of you have a blessed and happy 2008 and look forward to sharing with you through the years to come.

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