I have been dealing with a lot of different thoughts in my life lately. Where am I supposed to be, what am I supposed to be doing, am I going in the right direction, if I am will I like what I find when I get there? All of this has really been weighing on me for quite some time. I know God has given me great abilities and great potential but at times it's as if I am afraid to find out what they truly are. I mean I like to scratch the surface to see how good I could be and then back away because becoming that thing or reaching that goal would cause change and I truly hate change. But why? Change is good, change brings new life, new opportunities, new goals, new journeys. However, change also brings uncertainty, fear, doubt. This is my struggle and my burden. I read Sarah's blog today and realized I need to use my talents, I need to figure out a way to get past the bad things of change and embrace all that could be. I realize that is easier said than done but I have to try, only problem is I'm not so sure I know how. I've begin to set new goals for myself yet still find there is a lack of motivation. Embarrassingly enough I also find there is a lack of faith. I don't understand this one. God has always been there, has always provided, has met every need I ever could imagine and even those that I couldn't, yet still I doubt. This makes me sad, He has given me everything and what have I given him? Half hearted prayers, a nearly non existent devotional time, and a fear to use the gifts he has given me because by doing so it would take my perception of control away from me. You see I said perception of control, because inside I know I really don't have control of anything yet the perfectionist in me needs to feel that I am. This is a problem I know, one I must confront and get past but it is a struggle. There's a line in a song that pretty much sums me up to a tee, it is "I'm always sure until I doubt." That is my life in a nutshell. God please give me the strength and motivation to use the gifts and talents you have given me and to let go of all the things I can't control and have the faith that you know what is best for me and will see me through every up and down in my life.


    I've always believed you had a great destiny waiting just over the horizon...

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